L.O.V.E

       A four-letter word that has, and continues to change lives daily. We hear about it in movies, in books, in churches and in our group chats. The funny thing about what we generally know of love is its application to somebody else. “I love my family, I love my boyfriend, I love Queen Bey”… That’s great; it really is, but what about you? Do you love yourself?

Love starts from within. The mistake people make is trying to find love from outside. You try to get that warm, fuzzy feeling that Disney sold to us all in a plethora of Princess stories. Here’s my question to you – how do you expect to love someone else when you have not learnt to love yourself?

By saying, “love yourself,” I don’t mean become self obsessed or narcissistic, I mean appreciate YOU. Get to know YOU. Find out what YOU like, want, or dream about. What are YOUR goals and ambitions? Who do YOU want to become in five years? You can’t go around with a list of qualities you want in your future partner, when you have not even evaluated yourself to see whether you possess them. That is unrealistic.

Love yourself. Discover who you really are, what your strengths and weaknesses are, and your talents and your unique abilities. Be confident in yourself. “Love the Skin you’re in”  (Olay got that marketing scheme right! J)

The journey to self-discovery is a solo one. The best way to begin loving yourself is to be by yourself - to be single. Because frankly, you can’t give what you don’t have. Being single allows you to learn how to love; with your very own self being the first recipient. You have the extra time to meditate, think and really understand yourself. You learn to accept that “flaw” as a unique feature about you. You learn to see yourself as important and impactful on your environment. One thing I’ve learnt is that you have the absolute power to let external things affect you or be affected by you. A ship is surrounded by water but only sinks when it has a hole in it. People can do or say what they like to you, but so long as you keep their negativity blocked out, your ship will continue sailing.

Today’s society makes out being single as being a social pariah, especially for people in the 21 and older age group. Loose-tongued Aunties start dropping overt comments like “When will you marry? You don’t even have a serious boyfriend at your age!” and “When I was your age I had too many men flocking around me” more and more frequently and you find yourself dodging certain people at family gatherings. Even amongst ourselves, social networks have a way of glorifying relationships with the “relationship goal” pictures and quotes, which make it easy to get sucked in and you find yourself wanting a relationship “just because”. However, do not do it.

Embrace the single life and relish it. If a relationship comes, let it be because you have completed your journey of self-evaluation and now understand and love yourself as an individual. Relationships, like many other things in life are “give and take”, and to give love at all, you must have self-love. Love yourself, or nobody will.

Edited by the wonderful, Modupe Ojelabi.

Originally written for Tundun Kezia.

Opportunities.

There is a large, well carved door swung wide open in front of you, revealing brilliant rays of hopeful light; but then there is also the extraordinarily comfortable, state-of-the-art bed, fitted with massage functions and temperature control which you are currently lying in.

This is the scenario of an opportunity to a somewhat “comfortable” person.

Fear of the unknown. The silliest - yet it is a frequently occurring type of fear.

You like where you are. You like the assurance and the predictability, and that’s fine, truly, if all you want in life is comfort. But what if you could have more, do more, what if you could BE more? Would you really hold yourself back in the name of “comfort”?

Wasted opportunities make the worst type of regrets; don’t start your story with “If only...”

Beauty.

Slim nose.

Full lips.

Curvy.

Athletic.

There is no standard of beauty. Fact.

What you may see as the most mind blowing feature on someone could have the exact opposite effect from another person's perspective.

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder" goes the old saying right? Why subject yourself to the wrong beholder and value yourself by their description of you?

Always remember: You are fearfully and wonderfully made 😘😊

Who Are You.

The title is supposed to be a question right? More like Who Are You? It, like most things in this life we live, was written that way for a purpose.

We go through our lives trying to mould ourselves, improve, become “Me 2.0” and continue upgrading, but can you put an iOS upgrade on an Android device? You can’t improve something if you don’t even know what that “thing” is.

Back to the title, I didn’t use a question mark because I believe it’s time we stop questioning and start understanding. When you sit for an exam the instructions say something like “Read the question carefully before answering”, those who barely glance at the question and write whatever, well, you know how that story normally ends – but we’re not going down that route anymore. No. From now on we will start understanding.

So, let’s start with this new mentality, take a minute each day and really think. I won’t tell you what to think about, that’s down to you.

Get to know YOU.