A four-letter word that has, and continues to change lives daily. We
hear about it in movies, in books, in churches and in our group chats. The funny
thing about what we generally know of love is its application to somebody else.
“I love my family, I love my boyfriend, I love Queen Bey”… That’s great; it
really is, but what about you? Do you love yourself?
Love starts from within. The mistake people
make is trying to find love from outside. You try to get that warm, fuzzy
feeling that Disney sold to us all in a plethora of Princess stories. Here’s my
question to you – how do you expect to love someone else when you have not
learnt to love yourself?
By saying, “love yourself,” I don’t mean
become self obsessed or narcissistic, I mean appreciate YOU. Get to know YOU. Find
out what YOU like, want, or dream about. What are YOUR goals and ambitions? Who
do YOU want to become in five years? You can’t go around with a list of
qualities you want in your future partner, when you have not even evaluated
yourself to see whether you possess them. That is unrealistic.
Love yourself. Discover who you really are,
what your strengths and weaknesses are, and your talents and your unique
abilities. Be confident in yourself. “Love the Skin you’re in” (Olay got that marketing scheme right! J)
The journey to self-discovery is a solo one.
The best way to begin loving yourself is to be by yourself - to be single.
Because frankly, you can’t give what you don’t have. Being single allows you to
learn how to love; with your very own self being the first recipient. You have
the extra time to meditate, think and really understand yourself. You learn to
accept that “flaw” as a unique feature about you. You learn to see yourself as
important and impactful on your environment. One thing I’ve learnt is that you
have the absolute power to let external things affect you or be affected by you.
A ship is surrounded by water but only sinks when it has a
hole in it. People can do or say what they like
to you, but so long as you keep their negativity blocked out, your ship will
continue sailing.
Today’s society makes out being single as
being a social pariah, especially for people in the 21 and older age group. Loose-tongued
Aunties start dropping overt comments like “When will you marry? You don’t even
have a serious boyfriend at your age!” and “When I was your age I had too many
men flocking around me” more and more frequently and you find yourself dodging
certain people at family gatherings. Even amongst ourselves, social networks
have a way of glorifying relationships with the “relationship goal” pictures
and quotes, which make it easy to get sucked in and you find yourself wanting a
relationship “just because”. However, do not do it.
Embrace the single life and relish it. If a
relationship comes, let it be because you have completed your journey of
self-evaluation and now understand and love yourself as an individual.
Relationships, like many other things in life are “give and take”, and to give
love at all, you must have self-love. Love yourself, or nobody will.
Edited by the wonderful, Modupe Ojelabi.
Originally written for Tundun Kezia.
