Annoyance!

I like to take pride in my high threshold for annoyance, I really do. It makes me feel like a very cool, calm and collected person. Over Christmas last year I caught a man trying to pickpocket me in the rush of the queue for Shoprite bread. (if you know you know) Surprisingly, once I had affirmed that all my belongings were intact, all I did was give him a stern look, collected my bread and left the scene. When re-telling this story my friends happily detailed what they would have done in such a circumstance - none were half as calm as my response lol.

So for someone to single-handedly annoy me, ah, it is a great feat which I do not commend. One thing that really, really frustrates me is when people misconstrue their value in my life and demand privileges "above their pay grade" as the Americans say. I may not be Michelle Obama but I believe I have a right to self importance, no matter how minute it is. So if you don't make the upper part of my priority list I think that is my decision and not yours. Who are you to decide your position in my life?

Please and please, respect yourself, when your value in a person's life appreciates, you will know. Till then, let "patience is a virtue" be your mantra.

L.O.V.E

       A four-letter word that has, and continues to change lives daily. We hear about it in movies, in books, in churches and in our group chats. The funny thing about what we generally know of love is its application to somebody else. “I love my family, I love my boyfriend, I love Queen Bey”… That’s great; it really is, but what about you? Do you love yourself?

Love starts from within. The mistake people make is trying to find love from outside. You try to get that warm, fuzzy feeling that Disney sold to us all in a plethora of Princess stories. Here’s my question to you – how do you expect to love someone else when you have not learnt to love yourself?

By saying, “love yourself,” I don’t mean become self obsessed or narcissistic, I mean appreciate YOU. Get to know YOU. Find out what YOU like, want, or dream about. What are YOUR goals and ambitions? Who do YOU want to become in five years? You can’t go around with a list of qualities you want in your future partner, when you have not even evaluated yourself to see whether you possess them. That is unrealistic.

Love yourself. Discover who you really are, what your strengths and weaknesses are, and your talents and your unique abilities. Be confident in yourself. “Love the Skin you’re in”  (Olay got that marketing scheme right! J)

The journey to self-discovery is a solo one. The best way to begin loving yourself is to be by yourself - to be single. Because frankly, you can’t give what you don’t have. Being single allows you to learn how to love; with your very own self being the first recipient. You have the extra time to meditate, think and really understand yourself. You learn to accept that “flaw” as a unique feature about you. You learn to see yourself as important and impactful on your environment. One thing I’ve learnt is that you have the absolute power to let external things affect you or be affected by you. A ship is surrounded by water but only sinks when it has a hole in it. People can do or say what they like to you, but so long as you keep their negativity blocked out, your ship will continue sailing.

Today’s society makes out being single as being a social pariah, especially for people in the 21 and older age group. Loose-tongued Aunties start dropping overt comments like “When will you marry? You don’t even have a serious boyfriend at your age!” and “When I was your age I had too many men flocking around me” more and more frequently and you find yourself dodging certain people at family gatherings. Even amongst ourselves, social networks have a way of glorifying relationships with the “relationship goal” pictures and quotes, which make it easy to get sucked in and you find yourself wanting a relationship “just because”. However, do not do it.

Embrace the single life and relish it. If a relationship comes, let it be because you have completed your journey of self-evaluation and now understand and love yourself as an individual. Relationships, like many other things in life are “give and take”, and to give love at all, you must have self-love. Love yourself, or nobody will.

Edited by the wonderful, Modupe Ojelabi.

Originally written for Tundun Kezia.

Beauty.

Slim nose.

Full lips.

Curvy.

Athletic.

There is no standard of beauty. Fact.

What you may see as the most mind blowing feature on someone could have the exact opposite effect from another person's perspective.

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder" goes the old saying right? Why subject yourself to the wrong beholder and value yourself by their description of you?

Always remember: You are fearfully and wonderfully made 😘😊

Expectations.

Hey, hello there J

Ever felt like everyone’s looking at you? Sometimes they really are, like when you drive on the wrong side of the road in a foreign country, but other times, it could be a great exaggeration on your part.

Being the first born in my household, I’m no stranger to high expectations. I’m like my parents' lab rat: “let’s take her for after school classes” “let’s make her take her GCSEs early” “let’s send her to Nigeria for secondary school” – boy have I had an interesting life – but that’s a story for another day haha.

I could easily have crumbled under all the pressure to do well, but thankfully I didn’t – and you shouldn’t either. Use the pressure to pump the tires of your life’s vehicle and press on. Do not do things based on what others will say but rather because of what you aim to achieve when you succeed.

Think of how you’ll feel when you cross that finish line then keep at it – you may have people cheering and others booing but only you can push yourself to complete your race. Make your own realistic expectations and accomplish them – you’ll be glad you did it J